"Monday Monday"

Its Monday. They tell me its really nice outside. I wouldn't know. I have spent the day talking into the big white telephone.

Its has been a really weird week. I was up chucky all of last week. Nothing seemed to be working. Not gingerale, not pot, not gravol. There was nothing to do except crab and throw up,.

We went to Peterpatch on Thursday and Tobin took more blood. This is the make or break test. Now I have a giant bruise where she took the samples. Doesn't usually happen. Must be a platelet thing.

I am getting very frustrated with my inablility to do anything. There is lots and lots of little crap to be done. "I d on't care" seems to have become my motto. Tobin and I discussed the "numbness for want of a better word to describe how I am feeling. Or not feeling. I feel emotionally shot full of novacaine. I can watch everything happening but I can't seem to feel deeply enough about anything to invest emotionally. Tobin said she understood being the creative right brained creature that I am but that it is necessary to protect my right brain. Oh well, only 34 weeks to go. Will anyone still love me when its over?Yuck I am a great big blob of selfpity aren't I. It could be worse. ...

I have had two baths in my soaky tub today. So it could be worse. Did I mention I love my tub. I would sleep in it if I thought I wouldn't drown. But it would be a glorious way to go. Seeping in bubble bath and epson salts. At least I wouldn't dry out. And I would smell glorious. I would like to meet God smelling glorious. He probably deals with enough stinky people as it is.

peace out

g