Living in the moment

Everyone from the Dalai Lama to Oprah talks about the living in the moment. Like it is some sort of cure for all of the worlds spiritual and psychological woes. Good thought. Hard to do.

Unless you are facing some sort of physical adversity. I am, of course, not speaking for everyone here, just for me. I didn't achieve this enlightenment I was just sort of plopped here. I think it is because the treatment never takes a break and so neither can I. There is no break for me. I just live in the moment, and in the moment I can cope.

Andre was home yesterday and the guys doing the reno had to go to Haliburton to put new doors on a cottage or something. And what did Andre do all day? He planned or he shopped or he thought about it all. I finally told him that if he did not stop discussing it with me I was going to scream.

He stopped, for awhile. Till we went out into the backyard for some coffee and some sun. Well I had decaf tea and slathered myself with SPF 50, anyway there we were, I was reading Sports Illustrated and he was reading the Sears Catalogue looking for a cabinet for the new bathroom. I started to get annoyed and then I realized that he is not living in my world. He is living beside it.As close as he can get, but not right in the bubble with me.

I feel that way about everything these days. Like I'm sitting in the bench at the train station and the train is coming but I don't get up because no one that is getting off is for me. I know that sounds like depression but really its not. It's more like a walking meditation. My body needs all the spiritual help I can give it and so I have to concentrate. I think thats why I lost control last time. I didn't concentrate.

But neither Andre nor anyone else who loves me can be where I am, and so I have to be more tolerant of their efforts. They are doing the best to fulfill my needs. Hey I just thought of another metaphor that works (I love metaphors) They are sort of like my pit crew and I'm the prizefighter and they can towel me off and make me spit in the bucket but they can't fight the fight for me. Their advice is valuable, as is their help, but the fight is mine to fight.

Gotta go, I think I just heard the bell for round 4.